Why do we only celebrate New Year’s in January when there’s a fresh new year in September? I’d like to see a world in which Dick Clark can come out early in the morning with a shofar and usher in a “Rockin’ Rosh Hashana Eve” countdown special. Note to Ryan Seacrest: get ready to rock that yarmulke.
Think about it: a “Rockin'” special can air in the daytime so you don’t need to stay up late to watch Clark fudge through the numbers during the ball-drop countdown, and give his wife an awkward smooch. Secondly, unlike the big New Year’s Eve show in December, there would be no need to prerecord anything – all the performances can be live! I see performances by Matisyahu, Billy Joel, The Beastie Boys, Carole King, and so many more.
But why restrict it to Jewish performers? If Michael Bolton can record a Christmas album, why can’t gentiles share in the High Holy Day festivities? At the very least, Fergie can aim to really nail that “L’Chaim” line in “I Got a Feeling” during a Black Eyed Peas performance. She can even change that “Boom Boom Boom” lyric to say “I’m so 6,770, and you’re so 5,000 and late” or something. And why can’t Shakira try “Kol Shanah” on for size?
Whether you’re Jewish or not, it’s time to truly embrace this holiday. I see see friends sipping on some Manischewitz wine, chumping down some apples and honey, while watching a glowing matzoh ball travel down a pole in Times Square. Let Jon Stewart help with the honors by the way – Michael Bloomberg, too. And why not sell those trendy sunglasses with 5770 across them? I’d buy a pair of those.
Bottomline: Just because it’s a day of rest doesn’t mean you can’t have any fun. It’s time for Hebrews to go national with this thing. Jews need confetti, too.