5 For Fighting with… Five for Fighting (September Octo-Mom Edition)

Note: this is not Five for Fighting

We at A-Sides are fortunate to have a monthly column with John Ondrasik AKA Five for Fighting. The man sings and writes poignant songs that can lift you up as high as a hot air balloon with Bobcat Gothwait on it. That, by the way, is a random Police Academy 4 reference. Anyway, after a summer break in August, F4F is back to address the fall. Read on, and enjoy the emotional ride. He sent this awhile ago, and I’m just getting around to posting it. Sorry, I’ve been consumed by Joe Dirt 2 and have had little time to do much else but play it on repeat only not really.

John, you missed our August column. Was it because you stayed indoors and watched Joe Dirt 2 on repeat?
Let’s be honest, August is the worst sports month of the year. Baseball is in its dog days. Hockey, b-ball, football are close enough to tease you but still weeks away. Yes, La Liga and Premiere League start but players are fat, slow and not near quality…Yes I’m talking about you Rooney! Even the MLS is taking breaks for international meaningless friendlies. Golf doesn’t matter anymore and the Serena Williams Open is in September. That means I actually have to work! All my half finished pro-tool sessions sneer at me like my dog when I don’t take him to the park. I also despise Augustus. Cleopatrus would have been such a sexier month.

You’re currently touring with a string quartet. Can we both agree a quintet would’ve made more sense?
Well, technically it is a quintet as I play piano. I know you are coming to the gig in NY so I look forward to my scathing review/phony rape accusation…Oh sorry, I forgot this is HP not Rolling Stone.

You just covered “What the World Needs Now is Love” – how’d that come about, and on a related note, what else does the world need now?

The Burt Bacharach songbook was on my piano when I was six. In all seriousness, I am a great fan. Amazon asked for a cover so I went deep. I was told he appreciated my version until I played it for his co-legend Carole Bayer Sager last month. She told me that Burt hated any minute change of melody and that he likely despised my version and was just being nice. The whole experience made me love them both even more! Oh, and this would be a good place to put a LINK to the cover so my legions of A-Sides fans could pick it up!

Done and done. If Kanye West runs for president in 2020, who should be his VP?

Donald Trump of course. Then we would have History’s greatest Narcissist ticket! It will be awesome when he steals Taylor’s nomination.

What a Cabinet:
Pres – Kanye (Don’t call me Jerry) West
VP – Donald (Hamas/Hezbollah?) Trump
Sec. of State – Miley Cyrus (Kanye and DT’s illegitimate love child)
Sec. of the Treasury – Johnny Depp
Sec. of Agriculture – Snoop Dogg
Sec. of Justice – Tom Brady
Sec. of Labor – Octo-Mom
Sec. of Defense – Rex Ryan
Sec. of the Interior – Kim Jong Un
Sec. of Veterans Affairs – Ashley Madison Hacker
Sec. of Homeland Security – Claire Danes
Sec. of Education – Dee Snider
Sec. of Energy – Debbie Boone
Sec. of Transportation – Ted Striker
Sec. of Housing – The Commodores
Sec. of Health – Betty White

It’d renew my faith in the government. Lastly, fantasy football is in full swing. Have you ever tried to draft a unicorn?
No, but there’s a Unicorn head in my bed. You trying to tell me something?

About A-Sides with Jon Chattman: Jon Chattman’s music series features celebrities and artists (established or not) from all genres performing a track, and discussing what it means to them. This informal series focuses on the artist making art in a low-threatening, extremely informal (sometime humorous) way. No bells, no whistles — just the music performed in a random, low-key setting followed by an unrehearsed chat. In an industry where everything often gets overblown and over manufactured, Jon strives for a refreshing change. Artists featured on the series include Imagine Dragons, Melissa Etheridge, Air Supply, Joe Perry, Alice Cooper, fun, Bleachers, Charli XCX, Marina and the Diamonds and Bastille.

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